stupidity 

International Player’s Anthem - UGK/Outkast 

…my level of stupidity is in question; let me quantify how stupid I really am. 

I’m not over myType which is absolutely INSANE.  The man makes it opaquely clear that he doesn’t want to be with me before he leaves.  Then he cuts off conversation with me for months while he’s gone.  i develop a level of respect for his cutting me off, although his method left a gaping wound in my heart. And in the year and some change that he’s been away, I completely realize, comprehend, and process all of the reasons I KNOW he’s not good for me. 

Despite all of this, I’m not over the man.  Not only am I not over the man, but I’ve decided that the reason that I’m not because there was no true closure for me.  The relationship was abruptly halted in my eyes, not ended.  So I need to ‘officially’ end it, and I’m going to. 

I’m going to Atl in a few weeks for a variety of personal reasons and while I’m there I am going to have dinner with him.  I expect that we’ll laugh, talk, have a good time catching up because I honestly harbor no bad feelings against him.  us ending was a good thing.  The person I was with him was not who I am.  Even still today, i become jealous, possessive, and insecure over the sight of him with another woman.  Beyond the light chit chat, I hope to address my unresolved feeling with him and gain some closure. 

Yes, this is a bad idea.  There’s my acknowledgement of that for my own future reference.