Archive for August, 2005
Amazingly flattered
A proposition of sex for $1 million dollars would be easier to handle then the proposition I was handed today. I truly am flattered. J and I have always had a great relationship. It began at a bad time; when I was still in the process of divorcing my husband, and I didn’t feel it […]
Strength, patience, clarity and wisdom
I pray for these four simple things to get me through everyday. And somehow, when I pray for them, they shine through. During my talk with my Hero was no exception. What he wanted to talk about was really simple. As I suspected he sensed my need to not be intimate with him because of […]
The faucet is (temporarily?) shut off
Today’s words to smack me in the face came from Peaches “you shouldn’t let him or anyone else have so much control over your feelings that it affects your health”. And believe me I know she is right. The panic attacks initially began because of the stress my ex-husband used to have me under. That […]
The longest day of my life
So when a 7:30Am IM on a Friday morning comes through that says “hit me with your free schedule we need to talk before the end of the weekend..Make sure you have an awesome day…” from the man who has you heart in a shambles, you don’t anticipate having the greatest day. Coupling that with […]
No logic…
Usually they at least build up in me; the tears I mean. I feel something, anything, I have enough time to calmly get to the last stall, and go ahead and let it out. But right now, I don’t’ know what’s up. I suddenly feel angry, but I’m not really thinking about anything. Yeah he […]
Music makes me lose control
The one connection I can’t escape, I can’t hide from no matter what: music. My Hero and I are so bonded by music, I admit I am having a hard time listening to it at the moment. The upside to the garbage they play on the radio is that it is hardly lovey-dovey stuff. So […]
Chapter 3: another beginning
I am amazed at myself. I guess maybe I am stronger than I feel. Because I’m just not all that worked up over the situation any more. I feel as it I almost instantaneously fell back in to the chill mode I was in back when I didn’t really think we would end up together […]
When you pray for it, He gives it to you
I am not one that is afraid to cry. Crying releases emotions so that you can move past them. So if I feel the need, I will do just that. If I am at work, I will creep into the last stall and let the tears flow until I am release. Usually when I am […]
Who and what fuels my waiting
Talking to my best friend Peaches last night, who finally is a little more accepting of my Hero for her own reasons, we talking about not waiting for the men we love that for various reasons aren’t “available”. When they became “unavailable” we decided that we weren’t waiting, we would continue to date and meet […]
Slightly blindsighted
No, I wasn’t really prepared this time, although I know I should’ve been. But all the things that have been said were leading up to “us”. Yet, my Hero still seems to think that he can work things out with Her. I can’t be mad, because I’ve seen it way too many times in plenty […]
